Silence on the Surf
Lowell Sheppard • April 28, 2019
Preparing for solitude on a solo crossing of the Pacific
"Ocean passages are exercises in management. You manage provisions, water, fuel and most important your psyche."
~Sailing to the Edge of Time.
I regularly meet, for breakfast, with a group of mates. The topics of discussion vary and is always stimulating, lively and constructive. Most recently, three of our members were telling of their experience going on silence retreats. One of them said to me, "Lowell, you need to go on one to prepare for your trip." The lead-up discussion had me thinking the same.
Reflecting further on this great suggestion, I realize the challenge will not be so much the silence on my trip but having no one to talk to. It will be the solitude. While I will certainly consider going on a silence retreat, and would no doubt benefit greatly (the three members said it was the toughest thing they had ever done), having people around me will be a luxury I will not have on the trip.
I am well aware that the challenge I have set myself is daunting in so many ways. I have much to prepare for and learn. Competencies to acquire plus the physical strength and agility needed to get about the boat and the mental fortitude to go "solo".
"It is out there at sea, you are really yourself", said Vito Dumas who wrote Alone in the Roaring Forties. To be frank, that is the most frightening aspect of this anticipated journey. Being alone with myself!
HR Matthew who has researched the effects of solitude on the solo sailor discovered, "The wanderer is unable to tell anyone about his inner pain because that degree of self-revelation is not part of the Anglo-Saxon warrior hero ethic. Repression is the rule. But Spending time alone on the sea, causes an activation of the unconscious, which enables the repressed material to surface as hallucinations."
Hallucinations, voices, epiphanies and nightmares seem to be a common experience for the solo sailor.
"It sounds odd if not a tad mad, but I want to me alone with essential self. I do not want to speak for a long time. Silence! I want to learn. I want to know if I exist", said Pablo Neruda.
Yes, I suppose it is silence that will dominate my journey. The squelching of voices, including my own, I will use infrequently for fear that it will be an irreverent interruption and distraction to the sound of the sea and the wind speaking to me.
